Tribal Confusions

I think the oldest girl in my odd assorted household said it best, “We are a tribe…”
She pinned the tail on the donkey with that statement. Most people do not understand how the connection among us is as strong as it is since we are not all blood. In our family, when horror hits, we gather round as if we all came from the same place though in reality—we come from very different places.
In days gone by, when a person was without a parent, a sibling, a grandfather, etc., they were taken into another family and told, “You are part of us now.” It didn’t seem unusual like it does now. It used to be a normal thing to take care of others and not something eccentric or noble. It isn’t either of those things. It’s what humanity should be.
Most people on the outside looking in never realize that ties of love bind us intricately and make us forget that we are not related. People wonder all the time how each of us is there--too closely immersed in each other’s lives, to ever walk away easily. Love does not allow it. Love does not allow any of us to turn our backs and forget that we are somehow connected as we were intended to be. Truly.
Our “tribe” does not only consist of those living in my home. They consist of those who we draw to us who have somehow become too important to us to call merely friend. They are the people we bring to us to be part of home.
There are those who call us strange, untraditional, unconventional and a bit crazy. Our home is always filled with chaos and uproar. But mostly it is filled with love and genuine caring and the worry that comes along with actually giving a damn about other people. We laugh so much— more than we cry. We share stories and joys and sorrows and our very lives.
It’s sometimes difficult in situations that arise to explain how we are family without being actual blood family. It is hard to say, “No, I’m not her mother but she is mine.” The children call each other brothers and sisters and people look at us a bit bewildered wondering how that is possible. Yet at the same time, I can’t imagine having our lives any other way.
I am blessed to have a large wonderful blood family. I am blessed they accept and have pulled all of “My People” right into their lives however weird it may seem. And I am blessed to have a “tribe” that continues to grow and add to all of us in the most interesting ways. We are lucky.

Monika M. Basile

Mix ups for Match ups...

To Whom It May Concern( this is an open letter to Match.com, OKCupid, Plentyoffish, or any other online dating site who presumes to know who would be my best match):

Each of your organizations claims to know my “perfect” match. I think not and you are proving it each day.

Number one: I am a smoker, so when you match me up with someone who finds smoking to be disgusting, I have already lost the game here.

Number two: I like men, and only men. When you match me up with someone whom is bisexual or female—I think you must be unaware of my preference.

Number three: I have many children and I do not desire any more. When you match me up with child haters or even from the other spectrum—men who want a million more—again, this is not a clever match.

Number four: I answered on your questionnaire that I will not relocate to China or any other far off land and that I am only willing to travel within a fifty mile radius. Your scientific “perfect” match with the man who lives in Florida, who also likes dining out, is still not a good idea.

Number five: I am curvy and voluptuous. The matches with the men, whom prefer only slender, athletic build and thin women, already hate my guts.

Number six: You asked if I would date a man who is an atheist. I stated that this is one thing I can not budge on, that I must have a man who believes in God. So the matches you sent me of the variety of men who think my faith is “stupid” were only a waste of my time and theirs. And yes, I know Satan worshippers actually must believe in God to worship the opposite, this obviously was not what I had in mind.

Number seven: Just because a man likes to dine out and read does not mean that we are ideally suited—especially if he can’t stand curvy, smoking, God believing, too many children, not rich women.

Number eight: Just because I am a writer and creative, am five three and am flaky, does not mean I want a carbon copy of myself to date. If that were the case, I would forgo dating and not be in need of your services.

Number nine: “I am drama free” This statement should be black balled directly from each and every profile. Life is a drama and if you have no drama in your life then you are dead or the walking undead. I clearly state in my profile that I live in chaos so quit sending me matches who want nothing but peace.

Number ten: You asked what I am looking for. I answered a long term relationship. Matching me up with “sex partners” could turn into a long term relationship but I highly doubt it. I can find that kind of “relationship” well on my own at any of the local bars.

In conclusion, I ask that you review my profile again and send me matches accordingly.

Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Monika M. Basile